


Choices

by alexis (of_too_minds)



Category: Dark Angel
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-16
Updated: 2014-02-16
Packaged: 2018-01-12 15:12:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,758
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1189827
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/of_too_minds/pseuds/alexis
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's time for Max to choose a side.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This was the first fanfic I ever posted online. I wrote it immediately following the S2 finale because I needed a different (M/A) ending. It's a bit rough and rushed, but for an early effort it's not that bad.

Three days had passed since the barricade went up. Three days of watching the army outside their gate grow. Three days of waiting for the blow to fall. She was on the roof, watching, as she had been every night since the siege began. She hadn’t slept at all. When she turned to look at him her eyes were like burned holes in her face and her body was stiff and tight with tension. Not even an X-5 could run on adrenaline indefinitely. 

Alec walked up to stand beside her on the roof’s edge. He stared out into the night, watching the lights of the city rather than the soldiers below. He didn’t look at her, just quietly pointed out, “Even you have to sleep sometime.”

“I’m fine,” she snarled through gritted teeth. Her arms stayed by her sides but her hands curled into fists. Unconsciously she shifted her weight to the balls of her feet, ready to spring. Alec stepped back, hands raised as if to ward off a blow. “Okay. Whatever. Just trying to help, but hey, what do I know.”

The sudden wariness in his eyes made her realize the aggressive stance she’d taken. She unclenched her hands and forced her body to relax. Wearily she rubbed her hands across her face and into her hair, trying to get a grip on herself. She was tired, but she couldn’t let her guard down long enough to sleep. It was her responsibility to watch out for her family. She’d dragged them into this mess, and it was up to her to keep them safe. She couldn’t do that if she were asleep. At that moment she understood how Zack must have felt. She missed him so much, especially now; he was always so certain, so competent. But he’d be furious with her for having exposed them all like this. It wasn’t a choice he would have made, or even understood.

Alec smiled gently at her. “Sit with me, Max. Just for 5 minutes. You need a break.” He walked over to the stairwell and sat, patting the ground beside him. Reluctantly she moved to sit beside him, hugging her legs to her chest, still too on edge to slouch against the wall as he did. They sat in silence for a while, both staring off into the night.

“It’s not all on you, Max,” he whispered softly. “We chose to stay. All of us.” Alec put his arm around her, half expecting her to pull away. Instead she snuggled against his side and laid her head on his shoulder. He felt her relax, heard her breathing slow. Within seconds she was asleep.

 

* * *

 

Logan rubbed his tired eyes and looked at his watch. Max said she’d meet him here, but she was almost an hour late. It wasn’t like her to be that late. She wouldn’t like him chasing her down like a nervous parent, but the need to be certain she was all right drove him to get out of his chair and go looking for her.  

Logan headed straight for the roof, knowing how Max was drawn to high places. When he stepped out onto the roof, he nearly stumbled over Alec. He was sitting with his back to the stairwell wall. Max was curled up beside him, asleep, her head pillowed on his thigh. Her hair spilled like water over his lap, and his fingers were tangled in it, as if he’d been stroking it. He raised a finger to his lips, cautioning Logan to be silent.

Alec watched the emotions chase one another across Logan’s face. Concern. Anger. Jealousy. Guilt. Sadness. Alec stared at him but said nothing. He wasn’t about to apologize to Logan for being there with her. It was so seldom she would let him do anything for her. She’d needed a friend to hold her, and that wasn’t something Logan was good at anyway, even if he were able to touch her without dying on contact.

Logan turned without a word and walked off. There wasn’t anything else he could do.

 

* * *

 

Max woke just as dawn streaked the sky. She must have slept for hours. It felt good. She stood and stretched like a cat, her spine arching until it cracked, every muscle straining. She walked to the edge of the roof and looked down at the waiting army. Nothing had changed since last night. She laughed softly at herself for her delusions. She was not alone in this. She didn’t have to guard her family all by herself.

She looked over at Alec. She wondered why she never noticed before how thoughtful he could be. Maybe because he was such a jerk most of the time. She chuckled again. He stirred, awoken by the soft sound of her laughter. She smiled at him. “Hey sleepyhead,” she said. “Thanks.”

 “Anytime, Max. I mean it.” She looked down at her feet, feeling self-conscious and awkward. She wasn’t used to leaning on others, especially not Alec.  

She stood silhouetted against the rising sun, its light dancing along her hair. His heart contracted; she was so beautiful, so strong, it made him ache. Ruthlessly he buried those feelings. She must never know, never guess. He wouldn’t put her in that position. He stood, then gave her a cocky grin. “The least you could do is make me breakfast,” he joked.  

“Oh, sure,” she answered, in a mock-serious tone. “Right after I iron your shirts and darn your socks.” She rolled her eyes and headed for the stairs, Alec at her side.

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

Max left Alec eating breakfast with Joshua, and went to check in on Gem and her baby. As she stood in the doorway, watching them playing, she heard Logan walk up behind her. He placed a gloved hand on her shoulder. “Just think,” he said, “That will be you someday.”

“No way,” she said flatly. “I’ll never be a mother.”

“But Max, you’re great with kids.” He was puzzled by her denial. True they’d never talked about having children, but he’d seen the way she looked at Tinga’s son Case, and even Ray White, and he’d just assumed that someday they’d have their own.

“That’s not the point, Logan.” She gave him an inscrutable look, shrugged off his hand, and started to walk away.

“Max, wait! We’ll figure this thing out. The siege can’t last forever. And we’ll find a cure…”

“It’s not about the virus, Logan. The world is never going to accept transgenics. And I don’t want my child to grow up the way I did, hated and feared, always on the run, always looking over her shoulder… Forget it.”

“It doesn’t have to be that way.”

“No, but it is. Terminal City is surrounded by men who want me dead or in a cage. I can’t ask a child to face that. I won’t.”

“We’ll find a way, Max,” Logan pleaded. “Don’t give up.”

“Let it go, Logan.” She turned and walked away from him. It hurt that he didn’t get it. Her refusal to have a child had nothing to do with him or their relationship. Her childhood had been hell and things now weren’t much better. She couldn’t put her child through that. Even if she could, it wouldn’t be with Logan. They didn’t have a future together, even without the virus getting between them. There was no place in this world for transgenics and ordinaries to be together. Not since she took down Manticore.

 

* * *

 

_I’d been in a crappy mood all day, ever since arguing with Logan about our future. I didn’t say anything, but somehow Alec knew how bummed I was, so he did what he does best; acted the clown and said something outrageous. And I laughed. It felt so good. It’s strange how Alec always seems to know when I need cheering up._

_He’s not by brother. And he’s not on some whacked crusade to save the world. He just wants a normal life, like me. Maybe that’s why he gets me._

_Out of the corner of my eye I see Logan watching us, and I feel guilty. Like I’m not supposed to be here, laughing, with Alec. But it’s not like Logan and I did much laughing together. It was all work; save the world, forget about living in it. Well, with all the tanks parked outside we might not be living much longer. Better to laugh than spend the time we have left agonizing over something we can never have anyway._

_I look away, pretending I haven’t noticed him watching us. And there stands Alec with that devilish grin. The one so like mine. The one that could melt me if only I’d let it._

_“C’mon, Max. Mole’s rigged up a pool table. What say you and me show him how it’s done?”_

_I want to say “to hell with it, let’s go.” I want to hang with my family, with Alec, while I still can. But I can feel his eyes on me, pulling at me. So I blow Alec off, as always. “I can’t…I promised Logan I’d go over some tactical data with him.”_

_Alec shrugs off my apology, but I can tell he’s disappointed. “Hey, whatever. You want to waste your life in front of a computer, that’s your business.”_

_I watch him leave, then turn to face Logan. I force a smile, but somehow I can’t quite meet his eyes._

 

* * *

 

Logan could see she was trying to pay attention to the computer, to him, but her gaze kept wandering in the direction Alec had gone. It hurt that she was only here now because she felt she should be. Logan leaned back in his chair, took off his glasses and rubbed his eyes. “Max, I’ve been staring at the computer so long I’m going cross-eyed,” he said.

“Oh?” she said, turning to look directly at him for the first time that evening. Her tone was deliberately neutral, but Logan could see the spark of anticipation light up her eyes.

“Yeah, I think we should call it a night.”

“Ok, well, catch you later.”

Logan watched her leave, then turned back to the computer. He tried to immerse himself in work again, but nothing written on the screen made any sense to him. He stared at it for a long time before finally heading to bed.


	3. Chapter 3

Max and Alec stood on the roof, making one last check on the army below before calling it a night. Behind them they heard the sound of the rooftop door opening. Recognizing Logan’s footsteps, Max blurred and ducked out of sight behind a nearby vent. 

Logan was surprised to see that Alec was alone. “Where’s Max?” he asked, puzzled. “Mole said she was up here with you.” 

“Uh, yeah, she was. But she, uh, just left. Said something about checking on dog-boy.” 

“Oh. Well, thanks. Night.” Disappointed, Logan walked off. Max waited till he was out of sight before reappearing.   

“You’re hiding from Logan?” Alec asked, incredulous. “Since when?  I thought you two were soul mates.” 

“Shut up,” Max said, giving Alec a dirty look. She turned away, and stared out into the night.

“C’mon Max…what gives?”

“I, I just want to hang with my family, you know? No big deal. But he’s everywhere I go. All he wants to do is hold hands and talk about the future. Like we have one! ... He always said it didn’t matter to him that I was different. But it does. He wants me to explain it to him, make him understand, but I can’t. I don’t even want to try.” Two tears ran down her cheeks. “It’s too hard…I should’ve sent him away with O.C. and Sketchy.”

Gently Alec grasped her arm and pulled her around to face him. “I know you love the guy, Max.  But just because you love someone doesn’t mean you’re supposed to be with them…Before the virus, you and Logan had a whole year together and neither of you made a move. Maybe that’s how it’s supposed to be. Maybe…it’s time to let him go.”

Needing comfort, Max clutched at the front of Alec’s shirt and buried her face against his chest. Alec wrapped his arms around her and held her as she cried, hot, bitter tears that soaked his shirt. Max hated to cry. Manticore had taught them tears were a sign of weakness. But inside the circle of Alec’s arms she felt safe and the tears actually felt like they washed her clean.  

She stood there for a long time after her tears had stopped, breathing in the spicy male scent of him. Alec had been so patient and generous with her lately, which she knew she didn’t deserve, given the way she usually treated him. But she was starting to realize how much more there was to Alec than what met the eye.

“I don’t see Ben when I look at you,” she whispered. “Not anymore.”

Max felt his arms tighten around her, heard his heart start to race. She tilted her head to look at his face, past the mask all the X-series wore as a way to keep the world at arms length, and saw his concern, his vulnerability, and his desire for her. At that moment, something shifted inside Max’s soul. It was so simple. They were family, they belonged together. He understood her in a way Logan never could. She smiled. She slipped her arms around his neck, caressed his barcode, and brought his lips down to meet hers. The kiss was sweet and gentle…and then it was as if she’d caught fire. She couldn’t think past the pounding in her blood, her heart beating in the same frantic rhythm as his.

He crushed her against him, measuring her length against his. He tasted the sweetness of her lips, her jaw, her throat. He kissed her with a desperation that left no room for thought or breath, and she kissed him back with a fever and a hunger that matched his. He lifted her from the ground and she wrapped her legs around his waist. He carried her like that to his room, and they tumbled to the mattress, hands and lips seeking, demanding. At that moment no one else existed but the two of them.  

 

* * *

 

Alec rolled over in his sleep, his body seeking hers. His eyes snapped open when his hand encountered only empty space. The sheets were cold; no warmth from her body lingered there. She’d been gone for some time then. She must be furious, he thought bitterly. His one chance with her and he’d screwed it up. Only now he wouldn’t even have her as a friend. Disappointment surged through him, hot and painful.

He rolled to his back, cushioning his head on his arm. He stared blankly at the ceiling, willing himself to accept, to forget the feel of her body straining against his. _At least you had one night with her_ , he reminded himself. _What more did you expect?_

 

* * *

 

Max snuck back into his room, moving on tiptoe so as not to disturb him. But he was already awake, watching her. She shrugged and said, “I got hungry.” He made no reply, not even as she moved toward him. In the dim light she could just make out his face. Her normally cheerful and self-assured Alec looked torn between doubt and hope. She knelt beside him on the bed and leaned down to kiss him, her hair falling like a screen around them. The kiss was sweetness and fire that left hem both breathless. 

“Max, you are-”

“Let me guess,” she teased. “A unique creature unlike any other?”

Alec chuckled. “Yeah. But this time I really mean it.”

“You better,” she growled playfully. Alec reached for her, pulled her down on the bed and she forgot everything but her need for him.


	4. Chapter 4

Max watched Logan for a long time before she approached. She knew she had to tell him, it had to be done, but that didn’t make the words any easier to say. She’d thought she’d be wracked with guilt and furious with herself for betraying him, but instead she felt curiously at peace. Happy, even. She never thought admitting she might love Alec would feel like freedom. But she couldn’t tell Logan that; it would hurt him too much. She still loved him, and didn’t want him to hate her for the choices she was making.

Slowly she walked up to him. He looked up and smiled when he realized she was there. He started to speak then saw the look on her face and his greeting died in his throat. Max took a deep breath then said firmly, “Dix found a way to sneak you out past the barricade. I think you should go. Tonight.”

Logan stared at her in shock, unable to say anything.

“This isn’t your fight, Logan. It isn’t safe here. You have to get out, now.”

Logan couldn’t understand it. She was asking him to leave her, to walk away from him as if being together meant nothing. “Why?  Max, I don’t understand. I want to be here, with you.”

Max closed her eyes against the pain she saw in Logan’s face. Tears threatened to fall but she forced them back, forced herself to look at him again and say as firmly as she could, “we can’t be together, Logan. Transgenics and regular humans just don’t work. Love…isn’t always enough. You have to go.”

Logan saw the pain in her eyes, the unshed tears. But he also saw the resolute look on her face and knew it was over. She’d made her choice. She was giving up on humans, retreating into her family. Logan wanted desperately to take her in his arms, kiss away her doubts and fears, make her see they had to be together. But he couldn’t. Manticore had seen to that. He’d lost her a long time ago. Maybe, she’d never really been his.

He felt numb. Slowly he stood. He stepped toward her and raised his bare hand to touch her. He stopped an inch from her cheek, close enough for her to feel the warmth from his skin. The tears came then, and she let them.

“I love you, Max. Nothing changes that.” He turned to leave her, to walk away. It was the hardest thing he’d ever done. And then he spotted Alec in the shadows. At the sight of him standing there, waiting for her, rage exploded through Logan. He strode over to Alec, grabbed him by the front of his shirt, and slammed him against the wall.

“It’s because of you, isn’t it?” he snarled, hurt and furious. “Is this just another one of your games?” He slammed Alec against the wall a second time.  

Alec glared at Logan, but deliberately made no move to retaliate. “I’m not going to fight you, Logan,” he said, holding his hands out to his sides.  

“Why not?” Logan demanded. “Don’t you care enough about her to fight for her? Well I do. I love her!”

“Love her?” Alec repeated, incredulous. “You use her! All you’ve ever done is put her in danger. You look at her and all you see are the jobs she can pull for Eyes Only. How’s that love?”

“Stop it! Both of you!” Max was beside them now, pulling at their arms to separate them.  The sound of distress in her voice shocked Logan back to his senses, and the rage faded as suddenly as it came. He stared dumbfounded at Alec, at his hands gripping Alec’s shirt. He let go and backed away, stunned by what he had done. He had never lost control of himself like that before, and it frightened him.

Alec straightened his shirt and ran a hand through his hair. Max looked at him, pleadingly. “Alec...”  

“Yeah, I’m going…I’ll be in my room. Come find me, Max.” He touched her on the arm, then left.  

Max walked past Logan to the computer and sat down. She averted her eyes, afraid to look at him. “Logan, I’m sorry. I never meant for any of this to happen. It just did.”

Logan sat down beside her. “Why, Max?” he asked, his voice shaking. “Why him and not me?”

She sighed. “We’re too different. It’s too hard. I need someone like me.”

“You mean someone with a barcode,” he said bitterly. She just shrugged.  

“Do you love him?”

“Not the way I love you.”

“But do you love him?” he demanded.

“Yes…,” she whispered. “I love him.”

“Well then, you better hope Zack never regains his memory or I won’t be the only one he’ll hunt down,” he said, cruelly. She flinched and closed her eyes. Tears slipped down her cheeks. Logan reached out and touched her sleeve. “Max, I’m sorry. But this hurts, and I want it to hurt you too.”

She turned to face him then. “I do hurt, Logan. It’s not easy for me. I love you. All I wanted was to be with you. But that’s never going to happen. Being around you, knowing I can never be with you – it’s torture. It’s over. It has to be.”  

Part of her longed to take it all back, to throw herself into his arms. Part of her knew that could never happen, knew also that Alec was waiting for her. She forced herself to stand. “Goodbye,” she whispered, and walked away. At the door she paused, then said without turning around, “Asha loves you. She could make you happy, if you gave her a chance.” Logan turned to look at her but she was already gone.

 

* * *

 

Alec stood at the window, staring out at the night. It felt like hours had passed since he’d left her there with him. He hated the suspense of waiting, hated not knowing what Max would do now that she was really faced with choosing between them. He tried to empty his mind, but he couldn’t keep himself from imagining all the things Logan would say and do to win her back, and how Max would react.

He heard the door open and close, felt her presence in the room, but he didn’t turn to look at her. She had to come to him first, or he would have lost her before they even started.

“I made my choice, Alec. I belong with my family. With you.” She walked up behind him and wrapped her arms around him, content.


End file.
